It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
