This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
