I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
