Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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