I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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