theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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