Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
