and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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