it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
