Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
