i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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