Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
