are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
