how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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