i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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