you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
