Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
