Define "chronic" masturbator.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
