I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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