I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
