Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
