dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
