I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
