there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
