I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Randomize
