I accidentally burped into my bong.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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