i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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