Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
