you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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