You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
