I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
