My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
