oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
