it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
birth control should be required to get into college
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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