she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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