did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
