ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
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Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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