If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
