Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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