He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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