VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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