i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
