Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
