Having a random hookup so left but love u
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
