I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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