Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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