I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
