Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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