I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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