so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
