My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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