I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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