And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
