mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
