New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
