If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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