I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
