We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
