No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
