Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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