You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
