I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
