If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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