Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She told me I should be a condom model.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
