GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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