Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
