As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
