Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
