New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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