Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
