thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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