i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
