sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
