Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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