yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think a kid would responsible me up
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize