bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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