I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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