I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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