I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
