Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
