My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
