when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
