I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
