I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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